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Pac-Man VS Kirby
Pac-Man VS Kirby is the eleventh episode of Fatal Fiction. It features Pac-Man from his eponymous video game series and Kirby from his his eponymous video game series. Youtube The Star Warrior VS The Ghost Eater, which classic game icon will win in this battle of gluttons? Interlude Gamehawk: You know, they say that Gluttony is a sin, but these two gaming icons are just so innocent, I don't see how that can possibly be. Red Wolf: Everybody recognizes these two Gluttons, but who's the bigger eater? Gamehawk: Kirby, the big fuzz ball who defends Planet Pop Star. Proto Dude: ANNDD Pac-Man, the Yellow Dotmature who defends Pack Land. I'm Proto Dude. Red Wolf: I'm Red Wolf. Gamehawk: And I'm Gamehawk. Proto Dude: And its our job to analyze the pros and cons of these fighters. Pac-Man Proto Dude: Not much is known about Pac-Man's backstory, however... Gamehawk: Your kidding? I could tell you how Pac-Man was born right now! Some dude ordered a pepperoni pizza from Dominos but there service was so God awful that they forgot an entire slice, and when the dude opens up the box and found that he only got nine slices he got so mad he threw it so far out the window it ended up in a barrel of nuclear waste. The pizza then mutated into a giant dot that hungered to eat other dots and his pepperoni became shaped like shoes. Proto Dude: Well its... Red Wolf: Still a better origin story then Lex Luthor's. Superman: Oh no, there's smoke coming from Lex Luthor's lab! Superman then blows away the smoke. Superman: Lex, are you alright? Lex Luthor: YOU WRECK! Your super breath destroyed my lab and blew the gas fumes at me causing my hair to fall out! Superman: But it was an accident! Gamehawk: Man I can't wait to see that in the next Superman movie. Proto Dude: Moving on, Pac-Man is most commonly known for navigating mazes filled with ghosts, all while eating entire screens of pac-dots, why you ask? Gamehawk: Because he's always hungry, seriously his stomach must be a black hole or something! Proto Dude: Pac-Man's experiences are not remotely limited to maze exploring however, he has been a variety of things, including but not limited to... Gamehawk: A professor. Red Wolf: A fighter. Proto Dude: A puzzle solver. Red Wolf: A time traveler. Gamehawk: A racer. Red Wolf: A golfer. Proto Dude: And the savior of the entire Pac-World. He even went home and became a family man, settling down with Ms. Pac-Man. Gamehawk: Mmm Ms. Pac-Man is soo hot I pay her a quarter to chew on my back dots if you catch my drift... Music abruptly stops as a sound effect from the Pac-Man game plays. Red Wolf: What... the... fuuuu.... Gamehawk: I MEANT his signature attack is his Butt Bounce, where he crushes his enemies with the sheer weight of his round yellow ass. Proto Dude: WOW that is a disturbing way to die! Also, he totally ripped off Sonic Spin Dash. Gamehawk: You would think that the Pac-Dots are only served as food for him, but think again. Pac-Man can actually shoot them like bullets, they can be charged up to multiple levels to make for an effective ranged weapon. Red Wolf: Pac-Man eats bullets, he has them every day. Proto Dude: Oh yeah, he also has a Pac-Sense, which is TOTALLY not a ripoff of the Spidy Sense. Ms. Pac-Man: Is something... wrong? Pac-Man: Honey... my Pac-Sense, is tingling... Pac-Man suddenly disappears from the view. Proto Dude: Yep, totally not a ripoff. Gamehawk: Some pellets cause special effects on Pac-Man that will last for quite a few seconds, like turning his body into steel. Proto Dude: Or shooting electricity at his enemies. Gamehawk: Or shrinking him to the size of a mouse. Proto Dude: And lets not forget the most famous power-up in video game history. The Power Pellet. Gamehawk: You all know what happens by now, Pac-Man runs away from Ghosts, Pac-Man eats Power Pellet, Pac-Man gets his revenge and eats the Ghosts back. Shows Pac-Man running away from a Ghosts then transforms into Super Pac-Man as he waka-waka his way to a Ghost with the intent to eat it up. Gamehawk: His power-up sure dose come in handy considering that Pac-Man has so many enemies. It seems that everybody in Pac-Man wants a piece of him. But then again, who wouldn't want a delicious slice of Pac-Pizza? Proto Dude: Ehhh he's technically not a perfect... Gamehawk: Perfect? Who wouldn't want a delicious slice of Pac-Pizza? Red Wolf: Uhh sure... Proto Dude: His most famous enemy is the Ghost Gang, which originally consisted of Pinky, Blinky, Inky... Gamehawk: Let me guess, the last one's name is Stinky. Proto Dude: No. Gamehawk: Finky? Red Wolf: Nope. Gamehawk: THINKY?!? Proto Dude: Nada. Gamehawk: What is it then??? Proto Dude takes a deep breath. Red Wolf: Clyde. Proto Dude: Clyde. Gamehawk: Seriously? Pinky, Blinky, Inky & Clyde??? What kind of stupid name pattern is that??? Imagine if there where four mascots named Snap, Crackle, Pop and Marcus. Red Wolf: Anyways, the Ghosts Gang where originally consisted of those four. But over the years, we've seen a rise in membership. Regardless, Pac-Man kicks there butts every time. Proto Dude: Not only that, but he's also defeated an entire army of space invaders. Including it's monarch, King Galaxian. While on the Surfboard, Pac-Man is quick enough to react at faster then light speeds, and he destroyed King Galaxian so hardcore an entire planet flew out of him and exploded, SERIOUSLY! Gamehawk: Not to mention the God of Death himself, Anubis. Proto Dude: Not even giant robots can hold a candle to this guy. But lets not forget the Ghost King Spooky, who had the power to destroy the entire Pac-Land. Gamehawk: Spooky, dose that name get any less intimidating? Proto Dude: However, his most dangerous enemy yet, had certainly been the villain KNOWN AS... Erwin. Gamehawk: Yep, I guess there is a lesson to naming names then Spooky out there. Red Wolf: Using his Spectral Siphon, Erwin would of finished off the entire country of Pac-Land. And had Pac-Man not defeated him... Proto Dude: It would have resulted in the destruction of the universe! Gamehawk: Wow, Pac-Man saved the Universe. Proto Dude: That's right, the universe would of collapsed the Spectral Paradox. Basically, the Spectral Paradox is a situation that occurs in our world in which space and time are being shredded to pieces by some source of matter known as Siphons. This kind of Paradox should be impossible to achieve since it defies the laws of the universe causing a Tempo Paradox. Gamehawk: I have no idea WHAT THE HELL YOU JUST SAID... But if Pac-Man prevented that, then he gets full respect from me! Proto Dude: Oh I don't know what I said either, since I read it off from a wiki. Gamehawk: Sounds legit. Proto Dude: Oh yeah, and in Ghostly Adventures, he can transform into a living planet and fly across the solar system baby! Pac-Man: Good news! Your nothing more but a snack for me now! Bad News, I'm hungry enough to eat an entire planet! Cause I AM AN ENTIRE PLANET! Gamehawk: We never talk about Ghostly Adventures. Pac-Man: This would be funny if it wasn't so horrible... Proto Dude: Your right I'm sorry that was... that was stupid of me... Gamehawk: Remember when Pac-Man was about eating dots inside of a maze while running away from ghosts? Yeah, good times. Anyways, Pac-Man is a prime example of a character who is far stronger then he looks. However, he still suffers from some serious weaknesses; for example, his power-ups have some really short time limits, which makes it really freaken annoying when your just about to catch that one last ghost and then......... Shows Pac-Man getting killed by the Ghost after the duration period of his power pellet expires. Gamehawk: GOD DAMNIT! Red Wolf: Hawk you glitched the Matrix! Shows Pac-Man standing in front of the Ghosts as one of them bumps into him, they start running as Pac-Man chases after them with the intent to eat their ghost forms. Kirby Gamehawk: A Star Warrior native to the planet Popstar, Kirby was originally called, PoPoPo. Proto Dude: HOOOWEVER, once Nintendo realized just how stupid the name was, they decided to change it at the last moment. And after reading the name of there attorney, they decided to go with Kirby! That aside, while Kirby is known for being a cute little puffball, he kind of sort of has a tendency tooo well... Gamehawk: Murdereverythinginhispath! Even when nobody is a threat to him. Red Wolf: Yep, pretty much. You manage to walk your merry way to have no plan, to get sucked by a living vacuum who sucks and clones your living soul. Gamehawk: At least on the bright side that's not the worst thing I... Red Wolf: Look it be worse then that, the dude's stomach is a giant vacuum of doom has a universe inside. Gamehawk: Being forced to play throughout all of Superman 64. Red Wolf: Heh... not again...not again...NOT, AGAIN... An Evil Voice: Muhahahahahaha... Muhahahahahahaha... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA One traumatic flashback later... Proto Dude: Anyways, everybody knows about Kirby's copy ability, after he finishes eating his victims alive, he proceeds to copy their powers. Kind of like Mega Man if he was in Tavor. Gamehawk: What the hellis a Tavor? Proto Dude: A fetish where people are aroused by getting eaten alive. Gamehawk: I regret asking. Proto Dude: Back on topic, Kirby's copy ability allows him to mimic the abilities of other characters, and he can hold up to five abilities at his stomach at a time. Gamehawk: While Kirby has used hundreds of power-ups ranging from beams, to ice, to fire, to lightning, to microphones, we are keeping it to the five ability limits in order to keep this battle fair. Red Wolf: Also, we will not allow the refrigerator, because that is just pinokny. Proto Dude: Kirby is extremely skilled with the sword, rivaling even Meta Knight in that regard. Therefore, it only makes sense to give him the Sword Kirby Power-Up which makes him look like Link. Gamehawk: Then their's the Ninja Power-Up, which lets him shoot shurikens. Proto Dude: And the Wheel Kirby Power-Up, which lets him perform the Spin Dash. Gamehawk: What is it with everyone ripping off Sonic??? Red Wolf: What is it with Sonic ripping off everyone else? Gamehawk: Well I guess you reap with what you sow. Proto Dude: And of course, there's Ghost Kirby, which lets him transform into a spooky ghost and possesses enemies. Gamehawk: Wow, I never would of guessed from the name alone. Nintendo needs to stop giving Kirby's Power-Ups such confusing names. Proto Dude: The last ability Kirby will bring into battle with him, is the Fighter Kirby Power-Up, which amplifies his fighting prowess and his strength, making him a master martial artist. Gamehawk: But of course, Kirby doesn't relay solely on stolen powers, he's been also known to use the Warp Star which will blast off so fast he reaches warp speed being able to cross stellar distances within seconds. His Warp Star is so quick it allowed him to fly to the Sun almost instantly where he then proceeded to throw his enemy right into it's scorching heat, vaporizing the poor monster. Geez, come to think of it, maybe Kirby is the true monster here. Shows a image of Kirby eating up someone as it shows a bloody mess with the remains of being only an eye and a piece of meat left over. Red Wolf: I wounder, if his Star is so fast, then why was that Kirby racing game ever a thing, and how did he not win something every race? Proto Dude: Because Nintendo logic. However, that's not only Kirby's method of flight, thanks to his soft and flexible body, not only can he be flatten or stretched and then go back to his original shape, but he can also inflate himself to the point of becoming buoyant enough to flap his arms, and fly like a little birdie. Gamehawk: And if he decides to release his air, the smell is so awful that anybody in front of him will immediately die from his bad breath. Then again, my breath is probably bad enough to kill someone if I ate just a living creature! Proto Dude: You know, it wouldn't surprise me if that was the official explanation. Beyond that, Kirby can utilize melee attacks such as a slide kick, and after he digests something, he can actually shoot it out as a star projectile... I have no idea how that works either. Gamehawk: Kirby's strength is insane! Not only he can survive a huge amount of punishment despite his light frame, he can also punch the ground so hard that well... watch for yourself. Shows a screen from Kirby All Stars where Kirby is in a state of complete focus to destroy the steel frames in the Megatron Punch Championship as he manages to crack Popstar in half. Gamehawk: HOLY CRAP, he just cracked the planet by just punching the ground! And in the manga, he even destroyed it! How is something so cute and so strong??? Proto Dude: It should be noted that Kirby's punch is stated to have a force of 200 megatons. However, considering that 200 megatons wouldn't be enough to destroy an island, I'm just going to assume that Nintendo fails at math. Pretty ironic since they're Asian. Red Wolf: You sterouic gibbical son of a bitch... Gamehawk: Good point, this is even worse at the time when they said that Kirby is only 8 inches tall. I mean really? He reaches past the waste of a human girl and reaches passed Samus Aran's knee caps. Who, if you recall stands over 6 feet tall. If Kirby was really THAT small, you can measure him using a ruler! Proto Dude: Moving on, Fighter Kirby isn't even Kirby's strongest form. After eating a Miracle Fruit, Kirby can become Hypernova Kirby, now this form allows him to absorb objects with the force of a black hole. Gamehawk: Something tells me that the Miracle Fruits are Popstar's equivalent to LSD, or Mario's Mushrooms! De de de du de DE du! Red Wolf: Kirby has defeated countless enemies including powerful forms like Dark Matter, not to mention people who have the entire universe under there thumbs like Drawcia. Gamehawk: Don't forget Nightmare, Kirby actually owned Nightmare so hardcore, part of the Moon was destroyed, seriously? We could go on for days about the villains who's butts he kicked! Proto Dude: There's Dark Mind, Drawcia, Yin Yarn, Sectonia, the list goes just goes on! Gamehawks: Marks was without a doubt one of Kirby's most powerful enemies, but Kirby dealt with that pest by bitch-slapped him all the way into Nova, which caused well... this. Shows Nova being utterly blown to bits as Kirby rides his Warp Star back to Popstar. Proto Dude: For those of you who are unaware, Nova is a planet sized comet, and even after Marks absorb the energy of a fallen nova to get revenge on his fluffy pink nemesis... Gamehwak: Kirby kicked his ass again, seriously? Why do people even bother messing around with him at this point? If the dude is strong enough to send me into the Sun by throwing a frying pan at me, I know why I leave him alone. Red Wolf: He even manages to keep up with Meta Knight. Proto Dude: You know, the guy who also happens to be the most powerful warrior in the entire Kirby universe, the guy who can fly through Solar Systems in seconds. Gamehawk: But hey, we'll save Meta Knight for some other time. Right now, its time to focus on Kirby, and what the hell is that??? Proto Dude: Oh its just 02, the final boss of an E-rated game. Gamehawk: JESUS! What is up with Nintendo sneaking in super creepy bosses at the end of games which are supposedly family friendly games? Red Wolf: Earthbound... Gamehawk: What the fuck? Red Wolf: Moving on, while Kirby is one of the strongest heroes of all time, he's not without his weaknesses. Gamehawk: That's right, while Kirby dose have some incredible defenses, it dose not compare to his offense. Kirby is technically a fragile speedster. And if he gets hit hard enough, he'll be sent flying for miles. Red Wolf: Kirby is unable to use his Power-Ups while underwater. Proto Dude: And since the Warp Star is the source of his powers, he can lose much of his strength without it. Even so, its best not to underestimate Kirby despite his cute nature. Gamehawk: Kirby is one tough cream puff. Super Smash Bros Announcer: The Winner is... KIRBY! Fatal Fiction (Mario jumps to knock the box with his head as a coin appears with Kirby winning the home territory advantage as the fight will take place on the Arena) Red Wolf: Lets settle it, somebody's going to meet their end on Popstar. Gamehawk: But where on Popstar should it be? Everyone: Hmmmm, Arena fight! Both combatants rush into the arena as they meet up with each other. Pac-Man: Alright gumball lets see what you got? Kirby: Hii. Whistle blows which starts the fight. A fireball comes from behind Kirby as its revealed to be Burning Leo. Burning Leo: Hey um, I'm lost, do you have any like directions on how to get around this place? Kirby then looks at Burning Leo then sucks him into his stomach and spits out a star at Pac-Man eats the incoming star, he then brings up his key Power-Up and throws it at Kirby while he's on his cell phone, Kirby then counters it by sucking it into his stomach dimension. Pac-Man then charges up and brings up even more Power-Ups to throw against Kirby. Pac-Man: Alright gumball, suck on this! Pac-Man then throws the three Power-Ups against Kirby only for the pink puffball to suck them all into his stomach dimension. Kirby then unleashes a sound wave that prevents the incoming projectiles being thrown by Pac-Man to come to a hault, he then sucks the projectiles into his stomach dimension again as Pac-Man falls into a state of frustration. Pac-Man: You ate my only food, now I'm gonna starve! Pac-Man then runs towards Kirby as he rushes towards Kirby performing his Spin Dash. Pac-Man: Spin Dash! Kirby then manages to jump to avoid Pac-Man's Spin Dash ability from in front of him and behind, Kirby then notices a star as he sucks it up and spits it at Pac-Man knocking him on the floor. Pac-Man the gets back up and rushes Kirby by attacking him thus setting him on fire for a second. Kirby then enters his own stomach dimension as he chooses the Ninja Kirby Power-Up. Kirby then manages to throw two shurikens at Pac-Man as he jumps to avoid the incoming projectiles then bounces on Kirby. Kirby then gets back up as he takes notice of the arena filling up with greenish smoke as Pac-Man then punches Kirby with his electric shock attack which causes a explosion and knocks Kirby down to the ground thus losing his Ninja Power-Up. Kirby then enters his stomach dimension again as he chooses Sonic The Hedgehog to form into Wheel Kirby. Kirby: Your too slow. Kirby and Pac-Man then prepare to spin dash one-another as both combatants collide against each other thus causing them to be on opposite sides of the arena. Pac-Man then notices a bomb being set behind him on the verge of exploding. Pac-Man: Uhh uh oh! The bomb behind Pac-Man explodes as it knocks him several feet onto the clouds as he falls down to the arena resulting in a hole on the ground, a few moments pass as Pac-Man brings up his wooden mech resembling Mokujin from Tekken, Pac-Man then rushes towards his opponent as Kirby performs another Spin Dash attempt which Pac-Man manages to block with his Mokujin mech, he then punches Kirby hard enough several feet away where he loses his Wheel Power-Up. Pac-Man with his Mokujin Mech charges up a powerful beam as it fires towards Kirby while he's in a stunned state. A few seconds later, Kirby looks at Pac-Man while hiding on the left side of the arena. Kirby: Hii... Pac-Man the covers the canon as he activates its drill attack ability. Pac-Man: GIGA... DRILLLLL... BREAKKKKKKKKK!!! Pac-Man with his Mokujin Mech nails Kirby with his Giga Drill Break as Kirby screams in agony, several seconds pass as Kirby jumps out of the Mokujin Mech as he claims victory over Kirby... Fatal Fiction Announcer: Fatala... Kirby: Shoryuken! Kirby suddenly appears behind Pac-Man with his Hammer Power-Up and uppercuts him several feet into the air, it is then Kirby enters his own stomach dimension again as he chooses Link to form into Sword Kirby. Pac-Man lands several feet as Kirby rushes him with a sword attack slashing Pac-Man as he bleeds orange thus knocking him down on the ground. Kirby then rushes Pac-Man thus striking him several times while in mid-air knocking his opponent into the ground again. Pac-Man then gets back up as his Pac-Sense starts tingling, he then unleashes a wave while Kirby is charging him thus stopping him, then punches him up to five times then performs a flip kick knocking Kirby several feet away. Pac-Man: I'm gonna chew you up and spit you like... As Kirby is being knocked back several feet, he then enters his stomach dimension again while in mid-air bringing up the Ghost Kirby Power-Up, he then flys up to Pac-Man as he falls into a state of worry. Pac-Man: A ghost? Why do you have to be a ghost? Kirby then chases Pac-Man around as it shows them in 8-bit forms with Pac-Man appearing as he did in the arcades while Kirby appearing as the ghost in the arcades. Pac-Man then runs away as Kirby is chasing him in his car form but Pac-Man then transforms into his car form as he chases Kirby. Afterwords, Pac-Man gets knocked to his left several feet as he's down on the ground. Pac-Man then uses his power-up to transform into a planet, Kirby falls into a state of shock as it suddenly pours rain while looking at the sky. The screen then shows up to outer space with Pac-Man in his planet form. Kirby then summons his Warp Star and flies into outer space while it's still raining. As Kirby uses his Warp Star to fly to get to Pac-Man, he then enters his stomach dimension and taps into the Fighter Kirby Power-Up. Kirby: Megaton Punch! Kirby then rushes at Pac-Man's planet form as he punches him right at his nose causing a powerful shockwave that's simply enough to cause the plant to explode into pieces. Kirby then finds himself falling down to the sky. Kirby: Uh oh. Kirby then morphs into his Stone Kirby Power-Up while falling down as both combatants fall down back to the arena. Kirby: You pushed me over the limit you dot-muncher. NOW I'LL MUNCH YOU! Kirby then glares threateningly at Pac-Man as he enters his stomach dimension and brings up the Miracle Fruit transforming him into Hyper Nova Kirby. (Cues: The Sun Shine Song) Pac-Man: Uh oh, better run! Kirby now in his Hyper Nova state ends up sucking away Pac-Man as he attempts to run away from his opponent only to get sucked into his stomach dimension. Crowd: KIRBY! KIRBY! KIRBY! KIRBY! KIRBY! KIRBY! Meanwhile in Kirby's stomach dimension, Pac-Man is seen floating around as he encounters Burning Leo. Burning Leo: So... umm, your what they call fish or something? Three days later. Pac-Man's ghost is shown inside Kirby's stomach dimension as it shows our pink puffball singing with his microphone in front of a small audience, the music suddenly stops as he burps Pac-Man's ghost out as Kirby among with the rest of the audience looking up, it gradually floats away into the spirit world. Fatal Fiction Announcer: FATALITY! Results Red Wolf: Ha, suck on these half dots Pac-Man fanboys! Gamehawk: Lets apply a bit of math here, Pac-Man plus Planet Berry equals living planet, Kirby plus Fighter Power-Up equals poor planet, Fighter Kirby plus Planet Pac-Man equels poor poor Pac-Man. Proto Dude: Indeed, Kirby held such huge advantages in strength and speed that it wasn't even a contest. Gamehawk: Pac-Man may be older of the two and have a large variety of power-ups to rival the little pink guy. But, even this experience was not great enough to save him from Dreamland's most brutal defender. Red Wolf: While Kirby may not look it, he's a genius himself. Proto Dude: In Kirby Mass Attack, he built a giant flying saucer with only the image of the aforementioned saucer, no blueprints, no nothing. He built that all on his own, showing his very quick processing brain. Also, Kirby could easily absorb Pac-Man's powers, or just to be a jerk, keep him inside of his stomach for an eternity where he would die of starvation. Gamehawk: Jesus, the more I think about Kirby the more I realize how sick and twisted this series is. Proto Dude: If Kirby's stomach is big enough to contain a universe, there's no doubt he could absorb Pac-Man. Now some of you may be thinking just how powerful is Kirby planet cracking feat. Well, considering that Popstar is comparable size to Earth, and it takes 57.3 zetatons worth of force to destroy our planet, Kirby can obviously amid power on that level with each punch. As for how fast Kirby is, on his Warp Star he can cross entire solar systems almost instantly. For comparison, at the speed of light, it would take eight minutes and twenty seconds to go from Earth to the Sun, yet Kirby is able to navigate the Warp Star around countless twists and turns, and fly through galaxies with it. He's even defeated enemies who have been known to outspeed the Warp Star before thus giving Kirby some impressive combat and reaction speeds. Gamehawk: So we pretty much celebrated Pac-Man's inclusion to the Super Smash Brothers by having him get curb-stomped to hell and back. Red Wolf: Huh, at least Pac-Man put up his best. Gamehawk: Waka waka yellow guy... waka waka... Proto Dude: This round's winner is... Kirby! In remembering Monty, we will do that in our own way. In lieu of flowers or gifts, we ask that you simply do something creative. Use your imagination to make the world a better place in any way that you can. If you know Monty like we do, then you know he would certainly be doing that if he were able to. - Matt Hullum Message received. - ClassicGamerGuys Trivia * This is the 11th Episode of Fatal Fiction. * This is the first Fatal Fiction Episode with a different beginning intro. * This episode of Fatal Fiction was made to commemorate Pac-Man's appearance on Super Smash Brothers. * This episode of Fatal Fiction is dedicated to Monty Oum who suffered a severe allergic reaction during a medical procedure and fell into a coma on January 22, 2015. He died on February 1, 2015. Category:Fatal Fiction Category:Video Game themed Fatal Fictions Category:Hero vs Hero themed Fatal Fictions Category:Season 1